


Chrysalis

by orphan_account



Category: Hannibal (TV), Hannibal Lecter Series - All Media Types
Genre: Character Study, Episode Related, Introspection, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-20
Updated: 2014-04-20
Packaged: 2018-01-20 02:29:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,656
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1493371
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>With all my knowledge and intrusion, I could never entirely predict you. A look inside the mind of a killer. Spoilers for S2E08 - Su-zakana.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Chrysalis

_it won't feel the same, will. it won't feel like killing me._

Will Graham walks a dangerous path. On one side is his Charybdis and the other, his Scylla. It is not a question of life or death anymore. Will he succumb to the slowly building whirlpool of the FBI, colliding currents of mistrust and mistakes, or will he be devoured viciously by the beast with six heads, torn limb from limb while he can do nothing but watch the way your eyes glint as you finally sink your teeth in?

Will Graham walks a dangerous path, but he is yours, and you will not let anyone take him from you. You have grown him and held his hand; he is an experiment, a child, and that makes him yours to end, just as he was yours to create. Christians say that only God can bring about a total destruction; you are going to destroy Will Graham from the inside out.

To do that, though, you must keep him safe for a while longer. You must stop him from ruining everything he is and everything he will be; you have plans for Will Graham, and they have not reached completion. He is no longer a mewling child crawling at your heels, obedient to your every command. Now he has reached his adolescent phase, full of rebellion and hate coupled with a longing for what came before.

Will Graham is like you, but Will is different. He longs for things you will never know; love, safety, companionship. You need none of those things; you do not even desire them, but you understand them. That helps you to understand Will. He is a lost sheep wandering in the darkness, afraid his shepherd is a wolf in disguise. Perhaps, in this metaphor, you are the wolf -- but that does not mean that he does not need you. Will Graham is nothing with you; he is an empty shell that once held life and joy but now does not have the capacity to hold sorrow. He is regaining his sense of self, and that brings you joy. It is as much fun to play with a broken toy as it is to play with an obedient one. If he did not fight, he would not be interesting.

_you did the best anyone could do for peter. but don't do this for him. if you're going to do this, will, you have to do it for yourself._

He cannot incriminate you; there is no evidence. You have made sure of that. Will Graham walks free with the knowledge of what you are but with the inability to show anyone else. His newfound clarity is useless; all he can do is keep you close, but you are keeping him closer. Will is new to this game, stepping from pawn to player, and you welcome him with open arms. He is dancing with the devil, stepping on feet, swaying out of tune.

You realize too late how much he identifies with Peter Bernardone; it is evident in the way sweat begins to bead on the back of his neck and on his forehead and in the way his tone is tense and drawn when he speaks out against the manipulations of people in power. It is evident to everyone else in the room after that; you are able to usher him away, but you are not sure you will be able to next time, or the time after. You understand why he reacts so strongly. The others in the room do not; they assume that Will Graham is as mentally unstable as you set him up to be. You are not sure he is; he has the capability to snap and the capacity to harm, but he has not been pushed over the edge yet.

No one will believe him. There is a part of him that knows that; the part that tells you not to lie to him, the part that admits it. There is also a part of him that is more vulnerable; this is the part you have exploited and will exploit again. This is the part of Will Graham you can feel shaking and shivering in the car next to you; the part of Will Graham that would shatter if it stood alone. This is the Will Graham driven to desperation, the Will who attempted to take your life twice. You will not be surprised if he tries again.

_will. this is not the reckoning you promised yourself._

If Will shoots it will do nothing but hurt him; it will take him away from you, and you will not be able to get him back. If you catch a fish once and it gets away, it’s a lot harder to catch again. The authorities will not be so quick to let him go a second time; he was innocent then but he will not be now. You cannot allow him to do this to himself; it is not what he wants, and it is not what you have intended for him. Your hand is in front of the gun, a deft but quick move. He will not shoot you. He is not ready. You are willing to wager your life on that, although you are only in position to lose a finger or two.

He does not shoot. It is not hard for you to pry the gun out of his fingers and hold it away; Will Graham is falling apart at your hands, eyes wide, body quavering. In front of you stands a man who has lost everything; who has lost hope and trust and happiness. You and he are the only ones who understand what he is going through and what he is gone through; who he was and what he has lost. You did this to him, and in that, you stand with him. Just as you must now. You are guiding Will to safety.

_with all my knowledge and intrusion, i could never entirely predict you_

Psychiatrists are not to be physical with their patients; but, then again, you and Will are hardly patient and psychiatrist anymore. Your free hand cradles his head as your voice guides him back to the moment and prevents him from becoming lost in the darkness of his mind. His eyes flicker from your eyes to an unfocused point in the distance, then back. Your voice is soft; the man and the horse on the ground are ignored. All that there is at this moment is you and Will.

You are proud. Will was chosen because he reminded you of yourself, full of potential yet to be unlocked. He is your fascination and your obsession, what you have poured so much time and effort into. After all the careful shaping of his mind, he is still independent. You can see the effect you have had on him in every step he takes, but every step is fully his own. Will Graham is capable of killing you, and that is why he is still alive.

_i can feed the caterpillar, and i can whisper through the chrysalis, but what hatches follows its own nature and is beyond me._

Will is no longer an innocent; he has bloomed into something jagged and volatile and dangerous. You cannot control him, only guide him. He will never be an equal, but he is becoming a player, adapting to your game and your rules. This is why Will Graham fascinates you. After all he has been through, he continues to pick himself up, despite having no reason to. Revenge is a vicious motivator, but if that was all he longed for, you would be lying in a morgue.

There are still pieces of Will that you are trying to decipher.

You do not kiss him. You move your hand to his waist and phone the police as he leans against you, drained of all energy. When they arrive you make your exit, Will in tow. Jack protests. He does not trust Will with you. Will does not trust himself with you, either, although he does not voice this thought. It is evident enough in his silence as you drive home; he does not speak even when he realizes that you are not taking him to his home. His head is against the seat and his posture is atrocious; his eyes are not shut, but they might as well be. There is a momentary urge to pick him up and carry him inside, but you merely open his door and offer him your arm in support.

He does not kiss you, but he clings to your shirt and stares into your eyes, his own blank and expressive at the same time. He has always been contradictory. When your lips press against his, he breaks his silence, fists tightening as he lets out a sigh through his nose.

Later, he is not so eager to cling. He sleeps with your arms around him and his back to you, but does not reach for you. You have made him into who he is, and he loathes you for that, but he knows that he must survive the immediate. The only way for him to do that is to confide in you; life must go on. You will continue to support him, and he will continue to function, but the trust that once stretched between you is gone and will never return. You are both waiting for a vulnerability to strike at, and you both know it. All pretenses are gone, save the ones you must maintain to the outside world.

As the moonlight illuminates his too pale skin, everything is clear.

You do not love Will Graham. Will Graham does not love you, even if he did once.

In the future only one of you will remain.

But for now, neither of you can be without the other.

**Author's Note:**

> tired one AM ficlets? you betcha. I think Will is definitely playing Hannibal more than Hannibal notices, but, y'know.


End file.
